Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Which is one of my most favorite movies of all time. But I digress...

I am having a love affair.

Oh Steve, before you go out and buy the shotgun or contact the divorce lawyer, let me put your mind at ease. It is a love affair with a piece of technology which, as a mother and busy woman, I have come to rely upon as my constant companion, and general support system.

Yes readers, I am referring to my iPhone.

Oh, iPhone, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

You are my system of checks-and-balances. One look at my calendar, which automatically syncs with my computer sans cords, and I know if I am keeping everything in my schedule on the up-and-up. You make sure that I never overlook anything, whether it be a birthday, doctor's appointment, or most importantly, that Bruce Springsteen tickets go on sale on September 25th.

You are my moral compass (or at least, just my regular old compass, anyway). You help me find my way in this world with such ease and dependability, and for that, I am grateful. Whether I'm driving sans human co-pilot to Delaware for a wedding or finding a good back-route to the outlets, your awesome GPS never steers me wrong. However, you don't ever judge my value system for sometimes using you to look up celebrity gossip on People, TMZ, UsWeekly, or Perez Hilton.

I love how you never question my intelligence or make me feel stupid. By making yourself so simple, all it took for me to get hooked was to plug you in just once to my computer. Somehow, you just knew what I wanted you to know, found it yourself, and put yourself together. Do you know what an amazing gift that is to give to a mother of a toddler and infant? And when you once got accidentally dropped into a cocktail one evening, you never cried or got mad. I almost did, but then recovered when you were replaced (for free, natch) by the lovely people at our local Apple store.

I am more adventurous with you in my life. I have even been brave enough to cook dishes I haven't cooked before just by following the recipe I looked up on Safari and using a kitchen conversion scale to recalculate the ingredients so that we didn't end up with 40 pounds of leftovers. Heck, the fact that I was cooking at all makes my husband want to hug all of the people at the Apple store one-by-one.

You have a gift for distracting children at the times when it counts the most. In stores, in traffic, in doctors' offices, or while I take that shower that I desperately need - you provide precious minutes so that I can gain clarity myself. It could be a video of my friends' first dance at their wedding, a learning game, or the PBS Sprout app, but whatever it is, you consistently deliver.

If it weren't illegal, I would set you on a table in my house while the girls slept and trust you to babysit the girls while I snuck out on a date with my husband. The only issue I see with this would be if you needed to call 911 in case of a fire, but then again, there is probably an app for that, too.

You have a brilliant memory of all the fun moments in life. All I have to do is open my Camera Roll and instantly a smile crosses my lips. Whether it's a photo of Caroline on the swing at the park, Molly snuggled up and sleeping, or Steve and me having cocktails at the Chinatown Hooters (yes, you read that right - there IS a Hooters in Chinatown, and YES, their signage was written in Chinese, and YES, it was the only thing open and still seating late-night that evening, and YES, their wings are UH-MAY-ZING!), after seeing Chelsea Handler live, it's just amazing how happy you can make me in an instant. And now that you have fabulous video capabilities since Steve got the new 3GS and traded me for my older, video-less model, it's even better!

My dearest iPhone, please don't have hurt feelings that I cast your older, more mature version aside so easily - you are so idiot-proof that I was able to simply remove your memory card and put you into the newer, better body. Kind of like plastic surgery - which I am totally not opposed to, by the way (and either way, I know you won't judge me if I ever decide to go for that post-baby tummy tuck - you'll likely give me the directions to the plastic surgeon's office, help me check out his credentials, and find me the perfect post-surgery bathing suit).

While I was initially scared to even enter into a relationship with you because of the necessary switch to AT&T Wireless (Shock! Scandal! - as most of my friends and family are on Verizon), you have proven with your dependibility that I have made the right choice, and I will never stray as long as you don't...


Mags said...

What a great ode to the iPhone!!! I love mine too.

Carrie said...

Your ode to your iPhone brought tears to my eyes. That pict of Molly is my iPhone wallpaper. :)

Sent from my iPhone.

e.m. said...

Jealous! I would love to have a similiar affair...hehe. Your children are beautiful. Thanks for sharing!

3 Peanuts said...

Oh WOW! I have one too but mine does not do all this...yet...clearly I need to learn more;)

The Pink Totebag said...

3 Peanuts, just say the word and I'll list the apps I have so that you can add them to your phone, too! :)

Her Preppiness said...

love my i phone