Sunday, September 28, 2008

THE PINK TOTEBAG IS GETTING A LITTLE BIT "PINK"ER - AND AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME...

Caroline's future sister!!!

When we went for our "big" ultrasound this week, we got some really wonderful news! In addition to the baby looking healthy, with all its parts well formed and apparently in good working order (thank God!), we also found out that we will be adding another little girl to our family. Caroline will be getting a sister, which is something I have always dreamt of for her. I have 3 younger sisters myself, and there is truly nothing that can compare to that kind of bond. I know that if the baby had been a boy, I would have been so happy that things were as they should be (not to mention - Steve would have been thrilled to have a son and is feeling a bit outnumbered in our house these days). Caroline would have been a terrific big sister to her little brother, but I can't even put into words how I feel now that I know that she is getting a gift that I feel so blessed to be giving her - that of a sister.

This wonderful news couldn't have come at a better time for us. This time of year is bittersweet for me, as it has been for an unbelievable 19 years. While September is typically filled with the sights, sounds, and smells of impending Fall and all the newness and change that it brings, it also happens to be the month when I sustained my spinal cord injury. In particular, today - September 28 - is my anniversary. When I was 13, I had a spinal fusion for scoliosis. During surgery, a number of complications arose and a portion of my spinal cord was deprived of oxygen. When the doctors realized that the monitoring they had been doing to prevent just such an issue was not working properly, they removed the rods that had been placed along my spine, but the damage had been done, and I was paralyzed from roughly the belly button down.

Recovery from something like this takes a long time, but my yardstick for measuring mine hasn't ever really focused on the physical side of things. Sure, it's important to work to regain as much movement as you can to optimize your situation, and I spent a great deal of time in physical therapy over the years to heal. However, for me, the emotional journey that this experience has set out for me has been a far more difficult path to navigate at times. The anxiety and anticipation of all life's wonderful rights of passage, like dating, high school dances, starting college, getting married, or having a baby to name but a few, has always been compounded by the fact that I have this extra baggage in the form of four wheels.

It is a journey that I would not be able to face day in and day out without the support of my own sisters (along with the rest of my family and friends). This makes me value the future relationship that Caroline will have with hers so much. I know that when I was injured, they too were hurt and had to begin their own healing processes. I have the physical scars from my surgery and its aftermath, but the three of them also lost alot on the day I got hurt. They have always been there to help pick me up when I've fallen, both emotionally and physically. They help me turn limits into opportunities, and for that I am so grateful. I only hope that I return the favor to them in my own way. I am so lucky to have them, and I am a better person because of them.

My sisters and me

Like a really bad college roommate (not that I've ever had that!), my injury and I have reached an uneasy tolerance of each other while at the same time maintaining an extremely close proximity. We get in each other's way at times, and are constantly having to find ways to coexist. My chair and the limits it attempts to place on me are what I deal with every day, although I like to think that I push back hard to not let it stop me or my family from living our lives. I have to say that at this point in my life, I have reached an appreciation for the experience that I've been through, as it has helped me to learn things about myself that I don't think I ever would have learned otherwise. That isn't to say that I would even wish it on my worst enemy, but at the very least I can frame what happened to me in some sort of positive light.

Anyway, tonight, I just wanted to give a little shout-out to all the sisters (and future sisters) out there. They get us through some tough times, and for me especially, I had the opportunity on this anniversary to not spend too much time being sad about what happened so long ago, but instead focus on the future and all the hope and promise that it brings...

15 comments:

scooterlulu said...

Jenny, thanks for the shout out and Happy Anniversary. I say it every year, but it really is a day to celebrate. The life you have made for yourself is a beautiful one and the fact that you have had so much to overcome makes the victory that much more sweet. I look at you every 9/28 (well, and everyday really) and think, "WOW. There is nothing that a person can't overcome." Your courage and strength are an inspiration to me, especially in September when I take the time to reflect on how far we have all come in 19 years (and I don't just mean our fashion sense and your graduation from the pepto pink chair of your youth). I love you always and I'm so proud to have you, Maridith, and Bucket as my sisters. I'm so excited that Caroline will have a sister, even if she probably won't realize how lucky she is for many years to come. Love, Lu

scooterlulu said...

Jenny, thanks for the shout out and Happy Anniversary. I say it every year, but it really is a day to celebrate. The life you have made for yourself is a beautiful one and the fact that you have had so much to overcome makes the victory that much more sweet. I look at you every 9/28 (well, and everyday really) and think, "WOW. There is nothing that a person can't overcome." Your courage and strength are an inspiration to me, especially in September when I take the time to reflect on how far we have all come in 19 years (and I don't just mean our fashion sense and your graduation from the pepto pink chair of your youth). I love you always and I'm so proud to have you, Maridith, and Bucket as my sisters. I'm so excited that Caroline will have a sister, even if she probably won't realize how lucky she is for many years to come. Love, Lu

NatCraft said...

What a beautiful and insightful post. You inspire more of us than I think you know.

Sisters really are such a blessing! Congrats on your second girl!

TCP said...

Congrats on all the good news at your ultrasound! I think I'm having a girl this time too, and am counting down until our ultrasound.

And thank you for sharing your story with us. You always seem to transcend your challenges with grace and it inspires me. :)

Gabi said...

Hey there! congrats on a sister for Caroline. :) how wonderful!
Your story is quite an inspiration. Thank you for sharing it with us all

The Pink Totebag said...

Hi all! Thank you so much for your kind words and votes of confidence - it's so cool to feel like there's an ear out there who's listening when you share these kinds of things...

TCP - I can't wait to hear how the ultrasound goes! What is your due date? We're at the end of February. Keep us posted!!!

j.d. and Pink - I appreciate the best wishes on the baby! We're so excited too!

Suzanne said...

Congrats on your healthy baby! I've stopped by your blog a couple of times before, but never commented. Your story is so inspiring!

cancersucks said...

What a beautiful post. I am so thrilled for you that the new baby is healthy. I have one girl and two boys....you are so blessed with two girls. Let the matching dress shopping begin!

Jax said...

L.O.V.E. this post. Congrats on so many wonderful accomplishments and blessings.

Christian and Lily's Mommy said...

Not only have you inspired so many of us, but you also have taught us so much too. Chuck and I value your perspective...you've given us a "window" on Christian's hearing loss that we NEVER would've had without you in our lives.
xoxooxoxoxox

The Pink Totebag said...

Thank you so much, Preppy Sue! And welcome - I'm always happy to have new readers! Feel free to stop by often (it will pressure me to stay on top of the posting...)!

Ned said...

I am so happy for you!

Carrie said...

Hey Jenny, thank you for writing this post. It was powerful and inspirational. Caroline and the newbie are really blessed to have such strong and wonderful parents.

(A Little) Gris Gris said...

Way to make me cry Jenny! You are amazing and so are your sweet, sweet sisters. I'm glad to know all of you!

The Mrs. said...

I am so happy for you!!!! Pink indeed! That is quite a story and I am so amazed by how you have lived your life and made things wonderful. A true inspiration!