KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES... ER, CAROLINE...

Ah, those were the days. Caroline coming home from the hospital,

contained and content. I was using our Flying Falcon infant car seat carrier strap

to keep her car seat on my lap - it was a great find and worth every penny!

Sigh. I don't love Winter. Cold weather just makes me want to hibernate. The Groundhog saw his shadow last week, which means that we're stuck with 6 more weeks of this. At our house we've been stuck doing indoor activities for the better part of 3 months now, and it's starting to wear thin. Caroline's bored, and I am bored. We've been able to get out onto our deck when it's sunny, and Steve's occasionally gotten her out to the park or on walks, but for the most part, we're stuck in this little Winter rut.

As you probably know from your own experience, boredom can lead a person to do things they wouldn't ordinarily think of doing - say, take all the aluminum cans out of the trash, or stand on the sofa. My daughter's new fascinations with our recycling bin and climbing are beginning to drive me crazy, and show no signs of waning anytime soon. On the one hand, I'm excited to see that she's doing things that a normal toddler would do - while on the other hand, it would be nice if it would just get old to her and she'd move on to something else. I am thoroughly convinced that if she was distracted by something better, like the sound of birds outside, she wouldn't have discovered that she was capable of dragging our trash cans out into the living room or scaling the walls, but now that she's got these down to a science, I'm having to choose my battles (and keep the Wet Ones on hand...). In short, I find a good deal of what she does these days both hilarious and infuriating all at the same time.

When Caroline is told "no," she doesn't take to it kindly. What 18-month-old would? Not that this stops us from setting limits with her, but it can sometimes be incredibly exhausting to deal with, especially when we aren't out and about as much because of the cold. I'm reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Dr. Harvey Karp, to see if I can get some pointers. I'll post another time on how it goes - some of his tips seem to be helping. I have to say that this is one place where my wheelchair is currently a bit of an obstacle for me - the fact that she throws a fit like any 18-month-old is not the issue as much as I sometimes just don't feel like fighting the battle in public, and also have come to rely on the fact that in our small house, she'll eventually run out of places to go and I will catch her whenever she runs away. Occasionally, even though there's something to do, we just skip it because I just don't have it in me to worry about the "what if's" in terms of how I'll manage her while out and about. Am I a bad mom for that? I hope not...

Here we are on St. Patrick's Day 2007,

at a local Irish bar. Yes, she was a baby...in a bar, but

no worries - it was daylight and there were, like, 10

other kids there! The Bjorn worked so well back in the day...

Caroline's outgrown her Baby Bjorn, which used to keep her on my lap and relatively constrained while we were running a quick errand or two. I found a new brand of carrier, called the M1 by Lascal, which has a higher weight limit. I'll probably invest in it for the next baby, but it seems silly to pick one up now. Her Bugaboo Chameleon stroller - which was another great investment that we made in that I could push it easily and Steve had not trouble either - is getting a bit heavier to push so I don't take it out every time we have to pop into a store. I'm currently on the hunt for a lightweight one that maneuvers as well as our big stroller, and will keep everyone up to date on what I find that works. I'm also now in the process of thinking of our next step - we're not quite at the baby harness (although I think we'll be heading there soon and I've picked a couple up to test out and see), but I need something to keep her from climbing off of my lap the moment we stop moving. I'll be keeping everyone posted about this, especially if I find something that works for us, so that any other parents with disabilities can try it too!

It's not that Caroline isn't generally a really happy, curious kid. In fact, I know that if she weren't happy and curious, she wouldn't care so much about exploring what's around her rather than stick close to her mom. And truthfully, in the long run, I would much rather have raised an independent, inquisitive girl than someone who's a timid follower of the crowds who has no opinion of her own. I want her to take risks - albeit calculated; to wonder; to ask questions. I know the way she is behaving right now means that she will do all these things, and that makes facing the occasional bad day much easier. We are working with the end in mind here.

I know that other "non-wheelchair" moms would commiserate with me on this subject - nothing is more mortifying than having to wage a wrestling match with a grumpy little kid in the middle of the grocery store, which makes me feel better that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do. I just wish sometimes that I could conduct said wrestling match more quickly, more capably, and know that I could win it every time, and because of the chair, I don't have that confidence right now.

When I was pregnant, and even before that, I had myself convinced that managing a newborn while using a wheelchair would be the hardest thing we would face. Luckily, that turned out to be enough of a breeze that I'm convinced I could do it again - no problem. I don't know what I was so worried about! It's this second year that's been much more challenging - you have this little person who you've helped to reach all these fabulous milestones, and now all she wants to do is practice them on her own terms. Too big to hold on to, and too little to reason with. Nothing is more exciting or terrifying to a new-ish mom, at least from my perspective.

Anyways, I think I am ready for Spring. Warm weather always gives me perspective and a fresh outlook on life. Plus, Caroline will be a little older and if I'm lucky, a little more cooperative... I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for all of you moms out there who are in the same boat as I am! We'll keep you posted...